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Tune in to Temperament
by Brenda Nixon
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A child isn't born with
personality. But, he's born with
temperament - specific traits that determine how he
responds to the world. There's no such thing as a good or bad temperament, it
just is and kids can't change their temperament anymore than they can change
who gave them birth.
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Then What's
Personality?
Imagine a large umbrella labeled "personality." Under that
umbrella are two forces; nature and nurture. How a parent responds to (nurture)
a growing child has tremendous impact on him. When you combine a child's inborn
temperament (nature) with the parenting he receives, you get the development of
personality.
What is Temperament?
While the precise definition
is controversial, temperament is generally accepted as a natural, stable
style of reaction to people, places, and things. In other
words, temperament is the how, not the why (motivation) of a child's behavior.
It is genetically determined and as unique as hair color and
height.
When did it begin to receive attention?
Temperament
research began in the late 1950s. The work of a husband/wife team, Alexander
Thomas and Stella Chess, both medical doctors and professors of psychiatry, is
considered landmark. They studied the everyday responses of 136 subjects from
infancy to adolescence. Chess and Thomas noted characteristics present at birth
that continued to influence development in important ways throughout life. They
eventually identified nine categories.
Since then, many scientific
studies of temperament have continued to show that children's health and
development are influenced by temperament. We all know children who seem more
challenging to deal with than other children - even at birth!
Who
Cares about Temperament?
The realization that behavioral tendencies are
innate - and not the result of parenting - is one of the most liberating
insights parents gain from learning about temperament. By recognizing
temperament, parents can create effective discipline techniques, rather than
butting heads, with kids. They can tailor their expectations and encouragement
to suit each child's needs. And by being tuned in to a child's temperament,
parents can recognize their child's strengths and will find life more
enjoyable.
Learning about temperament can be useful in self awareness.
We can get a better understanding of our personal as well as parenting
behavior.
Also, knowing temperament concepts can provide techniques for
working with people in a variety of settings. Not only parents, but educators,
childcare professionals, counselors, therapists, and health care providers can
use this insight to improve understanding and relationships.
What are
the Temperament Traits?
The nine temperament categories according to
Drs. Chess and Thomas are:
1. Activity Level: The general drive
of motor activity. Is your child very busy and quick-moving or does he have a
more relaxed, sedate style?
2. Regularity (also called
Rhythmicity): The predictability of daily functions and how kids organize
their behavior. Has your child achieved a biologic rhythm for behaviors such as
eating, sleeping, using the toilet or is he unpredictable and
random?
3. Approach/Withdrawal: The initial response to new
stimuli. Does he tend to hesitate and shy away from new people or things or is
he outgoing, social, and excited by novelty?
4. Adaptability: How
easily a child adjusts to changes or transitions. Is your child a "creature of
habit" who resists transition or one who readily "goes with the
flow?"
5. Sensory Threshold (also called Sensitivity): How a
person responds to sensations such as touch, taste. Is he bothered by external
stimuli such as loud noises, bright lights, or food textures or does he tend to
ignore them? The sensitive child feels the seams in seamless tube
socks.
6. Quality of Mood: Basic disposition regardless of
conditions. Does your child express a chronically negative, apathetic outlook
or a positive, "sunny" nature?
7. Persistence (Attention Span):
The ability to "stick with" a task even in the face of obstacles. Does your
child give up as soon as a problem arises or is he goal-oriented and keep on
trying?
8. Distractibility: How easily a child becomes distracted
by surrounding circumstances when engaged in an activity. Is your child easily
diverted from what he's doing, a daydreamer, or is he driven and focused with
ability to shut out external distractions?
9. Intensity of
Reaction: The level of response to stimuli. Does he react passionately and
with drama to situations or with mild reactions?
Today, the Carey
Infant Temperament Questionnaire is used to formally evaluate traits.
According to this tool, only 1/3 of infants will be characterized as
"difficult," the other 2/3 will be classified as "easy."
Of course, any
temperament can become a setback or area of conflict. For example, in a
fast-paced, two-working parent home adaptability is valued. Kids with an
adaptable temperament can get to the end of the day and quickly adjust to their
surroundings. But, those who are slow to make changes can become overwhelmed,
resistant. However, DNA isn't destiny, we can learn to modify our response to
children (nurture) and help them grow with their temperament.
Tips
for Improving Relationships: Most parents want a positive, emotionally
close relationship with their kids. Strain on that relationship can be caused
by different temperaments; a parent and child are "out of sync." Perhaps a
child who is slow-to-warm-up to new people or situations lives with a parent
who frequently moves. The child might act irritable and the baffled parent
doesn't understand or know what to say.
It's difficult to be patient,
warm, and personal every time kids need direction. But there are ways to use
your knowledge of temperament to help improve your parent/child
relationship.
· Change the way you
perceive your child. Just knowing that certain aspects of your child's behavior
are biologically based can make a difference in how you see and nurture him.
Helpful self-talk can be your survival. Try saying, "This is my child with a
challenging behavior," not, "This is my challenging child."
· Use positive words to describe his behavior as a
way to enhance his self-image (and your sanity). For example, you can say, "My
child is goal-oriented," rather than, "He's pigheaded.
· Honor uniqueness. Kids don't have to see, feel,
and act like you. Mature parents recognize that children are unique and
approach the world with their own style….even if they're difficult to
understand.
· Work with your child
rather than always demand he change. Even small adjustments - like cutting the
tags out of clothing for the sensitive child - can make a difference in how he
feels and behaves.
· Stop the
guilt. Avoid assuming every real or imagined challenge with your child is a
sign you've failed. Some kids won't turn out exactly as we'd like, no matter
how great we were as parents.
Bottom Line: Adjust your parenting
to meet each child's individual needs. The result is each will feel highly
valued, understood, accepted, and respected. When you respond to kids for who
they are, not for what you want them to be, they'll grow up with healthy
self-respect and a greater tolerance for the different people who come into
their lives.
Keep Reading: Some books you may find helpful include,
Understanding Your Child's Temperament by WB Carey, Raising Your
Spirited Child by MS Kurcinka, and The Difficult Child (revised
edition) by Stanley Turecki.
©copyright, Brenda
Nixon.
From Brenda's presentation, "Understanding Your Child's
Temperament" available to educators, parents, childcare professionals,
therapists, health care providers, and other professionals. This presentation
varies from one to two-hours at your site (school, office, or church). For more
information or to contact Brenda, go to www.BrendaNixon.com.
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